The Compassionarte Friend

I recently learned of a great grief resource for people mourning the loss of a child (or sibling).  The Compassionate Friend is a website full of information about the process of grieving a lost loved one as well as information on local chapters and meetings of support groups.  There are live chats with people who have gone through what we are going through, and lots of recommended books, articles and other reading materials to help support us during this time.  I believe there is even a section about how to be a supportive friend when your friend is in need.  There are tips on what you will feel and experience and lots of advice.  If you are still looking for a place to get help with coping with "the new normal" The Compassionate Friend seems to be a reputable resource.  I took the following from their Bereaved Siblings section:

Please remember:

     Your grief is yours, not theirs.

     Your grief is different because of the unique relationship you had with your brother or sister.

     Your way of grieving is just as important, however you choose to express it, as long as it is not

     destructive.

Remember that before this sad experience, there may have been times when you felt jittery, hyper, or depressed when you were nervous or worried about different situations. Grieving can be very much like those times, but it may take longer to work through your feelings of loss and hurt.

You may experience:

     Sleep disturbances;

     Tiredness or restlessness;

     Anger toward yourself, other people, God, even the one who died;

     Fear for your safety and the safety of those you care about;

     Feelings of rejection from parents who are distracted, irritable, or inattentive;

     Trouble paying attention and remembering;

     Mood swings between feeling very good and very bad;

     Guilt about what you did or did not do for your brother or sister, for enjoying yourself, and even for just surviving.

You may feel emotions like those listed above at different times, maybe even long after your brother or sister’s death. It can be frightening to suddenly think about such things. But other young people, just like you, have had a brother or sister die. They struggled through feelings very much like yours. They have survived, and so can you.

Siblings Walking Together

 

We are the surviving siblings of The Compassionate Friends.
We are brought together by the deaths of our brothers and sisters.
Open your hearts to us, but have patience with us.
Sometimes we will need the support of our friends.
At other times we need our families to be there.
Sometimes we must walk alone, taking our memories with us,
continuing to become the individuals we want to be.
We cannot be our dead brother or sister;
however, a special part of them lives on with us.
When our brothers and sisters died, our lives changed.
We are living a life very different from what we envisioned,
and we feel the responsibility to be strong even when we feel weak.
Yet we can go on because we understand better than many others
the value of family and the precious gift of life.
Our goal is not to be the forgotten mourners that we sometimes are,
but to walk together to face our tomorrows as surviving siblings of
The Compassionate Friends.